Announcer (Rod Roddy): This is the story of two sisters. Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell. These are the Tates, and these are the Campbells, and this is Soap.
Mary Gatling Dallas Campbell (actress Cathryn Damon) : I have one son who’s about to become my daughter, another son whom people are trying to kill, I have a lunatic stepson and a dummy living in my home and a husband who won’t make love to me. That’s not life, that’s something by Tennessee Williams!
The Major (actor Arthur Peterson, Jr.): Let’s synchronize our watches. It’s now… 3-ish.
Billy Tate (actor Jimmy Baio) : Why can’t anybody in this family talk in front of me? For years I went around thinking a surprise party was being planned for me!
Saul (actor Jack Gilford) : I’m 4064 years old. What do you think I owe it to, a terrific moisturizer?
Tags: Arthur Peterson, Billy Tate, Cathryn Damon, dummy, impotence, impotent, Jack Gilford, Jessica Tate, Jimmy Baio, Jr., longevity, Mary Campbell, Mary Gatling Dallas Campbell, moisturizer, Rod Roddy, Saul, sitcom, Soap, soap opera, stepson, surprise party, Tennessee Williams, transsexual, ventriloquist
